This has been a NaNo unlike any other I have participated in. Struggle, frustration, and self-doubt have been my bedfellows. Thankfully, I think we have come to an agreement.
When I finished writing Stealth in April I was asked if I would keep writing or if I had done what I needed to do and was now empty. Stealth was HIGHLY personal for me, more therapy than enjoyable at times. It was written through the lens of a stalked victim and based on situations I have personally lived through. So it wasn't a question from left field.
So would I lay down my pen?
My knee jerk response was "duh, of course I'll keep writing... Won't I?"
When I started planning my third novel for this month I was praying I hadn't lied to myself.
Day 1 was pretty normal, a bit slow for me, but I chalked it up to blank page syndrome.
Day 2, I rocked it! Got ahead and was excited to write.
Day 3... speed bump. I came home, fought with my plot, my characters, and myself. I eventually gave up and went to bed. Pissed.
Day 4 I was once again on top of my game. I wrote nearly 3k words and not only came up to my goal but left it in the dust.
But then days 5, 6, and 7 came and once again I found myself at my desk, fingers clicking away, playing with my imaginary friends. And struggling.
I'm not sure why this NaNo is such a challenging one, but I'm not giving up. So what If I sit down and can only write 2k words a day, who cares if I am more of a turtle than a hare this season. No one is watching. I am free to write what I want, how I want to. That's one of the joys of NaNo. Pure writing. No bs, no naysayers, no criticism. Just me and the paper.
So am I done? Is two book and a failed third my limit?
I am relieved and overjoyed and so proud of myself. I really want to be a writer, I'd love to one day be a full time writer, but that's going to take time, patience, and practice. This is my third NaNoWriMo and I can now say I am here to stay, even through the struggles.
So to answer the question, yes, I WILL keep writing, I don't have the option not to.